Open Emotion

It's all about me...

It's summer time and summer time to a teacher means one of two things: 1.) He/She has a second job, summer class, or other duties that have to be done or 2.) He/She chooses to do nothing with the three glorious months of freedom.

I chose 2.

Therefore, sitting down to blog was not high on the priority list.

...this is my pretty puppy stretching out in her doggy bed 

both lucky and unusual

I have said this all year long since I've taken this middle school job, I'm extremely glad/thankful/happy that I got the offer to work at the school where I'm currently employed. Last night, as I was emailing a regular education teacher back, I realized (AGAIN) what a great staff I'm working with. This means, also, what a great staff the students get to have as teachers. This particular teacher was checking on accommodations for one of my students, to make sure that she was doing all that she could do for him. I was pumped! How wonderful is it that the teacher cares so much about how these students are doing. It's great to realize (not that I didn't already know...remember, I've been saying it since the beginning of the year) that you really, truly enjoy, and love your job. Who would have guessed that I would actually enjoy working with middle schoolers. Who would have guessed that I would enjoy the bad and good, the hormones raging and the smiles in the hallway. I would pass up working in a middle school for anything now!

On a different, more odd note, a piece of my car is missing. YES, missing. It's not a hub cap or something that someone would like to sell for money. Oh no, it's a random metal piece that would have been attached to the top of my roof. But it's gone. I have absolutely no memory of a long (probably the length from my head to my knees) metal piece flying off my car. Do not remember it. Unusual, huh?!

If you're looking at it from the front, it's on the top left side. Do you see the long indent...well, there is supposed to be a long metal piece there.

...Like this, taken from the back of the car on the OTHER side.

How did I not notice a long metal strip flying off my car?

No excuse!

I rarely forget a birthday...and especially a birthday that's written down on my calendar. I rarely forget much when it comes to things like that.

You know where this is going.

Today, as I write this, my roommate J is out to dinner with a friend. A friend who did NOT forget her birthday! I feel like such a moron. Her response when I finally realized...somewhere around 7 was, "you've got lots going on."

not an excuse (although, honestly, I knew it was coming up, but thought I still had a week-thought it was next Monday)! I informed C of our mistake, she had forgotten also, so C grabbed a card, and I hit up Kowalski's (by the way, do not buy cakes there...not because they're not good, oh no, but because they cost an arm and a leg! but oh well!) to buy the cake. It's a cute cake with dark brown frosting and three cute flowers.

Along with the birthday, I also forgot that this past weekend was the weekend I had planned to go home to a friend from college's wedding shower. COMPLETELY let it slip my mind and then I planned an IEP meeting on Friday after school ensuring that I would not make it home in time. Also, Trent, the brother, came up to watch the harness horse races at Running Aces. I spent the weekend with him, not realizing that the entire weekend I was being a jerk and forgetting something!!

Anyway, I'm sorry that I forgot your birthday, and believe me, I will not let a birthday go without a celebration!! Happy 28th, J!!  

At any age it would hurt, but at middle school age?!!

When I decided to become a teacher, I didn't know it came with so much emotion. I've laughed harder with my students than I've laughed with some of my friends. I've cried alone at my desk after school wondering how I can help them more than I am. I've been mad as hell but bit my tongue and explained why what just happened, should never have happened and how to do it better next time. I've had so much control over my emotions when I'm in the school, but then have lost it after my car left the parking lot.

All those emotions didn't prepare me for this newest one. Last week, I received an email telling me that one of the my student's mom passed away. Yesterday, driving to work, I cried...just like I am now...thinking about having to explain to the rest of the class why this particular student wasn't going to be back for a while and for the horrible-ness of the entire situation.

I brought them all over to the table and I told them what had happened and how we should react when he gets back. It took me back to when my student teaching mentor told me I was overly emotional, and I thought, how exactly would she do it in this situation. OBVIOUSLY, she wouldn't have done it my way, because half way through, my extremely practiced speech, I could barely breath and I started to tear up and thought, wow, you all are in middle school, 12 to 14 years old and it is WAY TOO early to lose a parent. My heart just hurt so badly for this student or any person that loses a parent.

It's also odd that I was telling them how we should react or act on the day when the student returns, but as I'm talking about it, I'm thinking, "and how in the hell I am supposed to act, Teach?!" How do you approach a student about what has happened? How do you let him know you're there for them, but not overly scare them away?

... I'll figure it out, but boy oh boy, I hope that he is going to be okay.

2007 in review...

When Love gives, it gives all; when it takes, it takes all. Its very taking is giving. --Mikhail Naimy

2007 started off with a bang and that was heading out to WV to see my brother and wife, T and R's house and to spend the holiday season and New Years with them. I got to hold my beautiful baby niece who was born in 2006, and fall in love. What a great way to kick off the year!

At the start of 2007, I was in a downer of a job, headed nowhere fast. I worked with SOME great people and learned an EXTREME amount in that one year. I learned a lot about myself, a lot about who I am as a professional, and who I never want to become. It's always true that you learn the most from the end of the spectrum type of jobs-either really, really good or a really, really bad. I had the really, really bad and took note of how I could improve my situation. As many of my closest said to me, "things happen for a reason" and maybe the reason I was in that job was to learn those things about myself, to make me more confident in who I am, and to meet some of my wonderful friends.

In June of 2007, I said goodbye to that job and said hello to the wonderful (horrible, frightening, long) world of job searching. It was a long summer of ups and downs, trying, questioning, and wondering if I would ever get that perfect job. At the end of the summer, I had been out, when I got a phone call from Andi asking if I had a job lined up yet. Of course, I didn't, so I said no and from there the story goes that the district that I now work in needed a SPED teacher, and I just happened to be the person for that job.

So, in August of 2007, I started what would become one of my favorite, most exhausting, and learning experiences to date. In 2007, I began working in the district that I immediately knew that was out there waiting for me and I waiting for it. I have great, great, GREAT people that I work with. I learn something every day of my life from other teachers, paras, my superiors, the parents, but mostly, my students. Wow, what a great way to end 2007; to know that in the opening of 2008, I'll be walking back into a school that makes me smiles, a school that I want to wake up each morning and be at, and can't wait to rush through my day, a place that makes me wonder where I would have been had this wonderful opportunity had not been there for me that day in August. I'm sitting here at the close of 2007, knowing that in 2008, I'll continue to do my best to fight through my first year, work my hardest to be the best that I can be, and to gain the confidence in who I am as a teacher.

If you have a talent, use it in every which way possible. Don't hoard it. Don't dole it out like a miser. Spend it lavishly, like a millionaire intent on going broke. --Brenda Francis.

In 2007, I also stated that "this would be the year, I would finish that Masters degree." Of course, at the close of 2007, I sit here with only licensures under my belt. I'm not proud that I haven't finished, but neither am I disappointed. With any type of work in this area, I'm busy, busy, busy at all times of the day and usually crash at night. I only hope that this summer, is the summer that I finish that paper and present it to the board so I can get that Master's degree.

In 2007, I also started something that once intimidated me immensely. Thanks to A, she and I started running our way through some miles. I ran in my very first race this past summer (a 5K), and haven't stopped the races since. Although, I'm not perfect at it, it shows me how I can control my body and perform as I want. It's a challenge every time I lace up those shoes. My mind is a powerful thing when it comes to talking me out of doing things and telling me that I will not be able to run, so it takes an even bigger force, my friend A, to get me into my running shoes and started. I'm not perfect at it by a long, long shot, but I am motivated to be better than I am now. Once I start, I usually am pretty decent at it. In 2008, I'm going to be an even better runner. 

In the summer of 2007, I once again nannied for three beautiful, wonderful, fabulous little people. I am now called their "summer nanny" rather than their "all the time nanny." I'm okay with this title. I get to be with them during the summer time when we can run around everywhere, swim, and play outside all day. In 2007, I decided that at the end of my year in the schools, I needed to take that job again to be with the kiddos that I had barely seen all year long. We went to the pool almost daily and played outside just as much.

The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up. --Mark Twain

Also, in the summer of 2007, I was able to do a lot of traveling to see friends and loved ones. I got to drive home multiple times, fly across the country, and visit and see all my friends from all over. I also got to spend 4th of July in North Minnesota with A, N, and their family! It was a great summer of trips and vacations around the country.   

In August of 2007, our house went through some change. Two of the previous roommates moved on to different apartments and J and myself decided that we would stay and find new roommies. Through our first experience with listing on Craigslist, we found two wonderfully suited new roommates. What we went through makes finding the random roommate situation less scary and I'm glad that in 2007, we took a leap of faith and took in two new roommates that have added laughter and fun to the household.

During the fall of 2007, another move happened...not for me, but for my brother, R, and A. They made the leap across country and landed only 40 minutes from my parents house. They have since changed houses (again) and have settled into the country lifestyle.

During the end of this year, T has also decided to get back into the harness horse business; a business my granddad and dad used to do with us every weekend of every summer. I hope he sticks with it and creates the summers that T and myself got to have growing up, for his kids. 

In December of 2007, my wonderful niece turned ONE years old. What a crazy year of love and getting to know another human being right from the start. Of course, she took hold of our hearts and haven't let go yet. I, personally, do not plan on letting her forget how much I love her by getting in even more cuddles and lovin's in 2008.

In serving the best interests of children, we serve the best interests of all humanity. --Carol Bellamy

A lot has happened in 2007. Of course, more important events happened, that I failed to mention, many popping into my head now (weddings, friends, weddings, graduations, weddings...), but with all experiences, I'm thankful that I got to a part of the experiences.

"We need limitations and temptations to open our inner selves, dispel our ignorance, tear off disguises, throw down old idols, and destroy false standards. Only by such rude awakenings can we be led to dwell in a place where we are less cramped, less hindered by the ever-insistent External. Only then do we discover a new capacity and appreciation of goodness and beauty and truth." --Helen Keller

Of course, at the end of this year, just like every day of my life, every month, every year, I question if I could have done it differently. I look back at my life and wonder if I've made the right choices, said the right words, or made the right decisions. Some decisions this year have been hard for me to make, but every choice that I've made, I have no regrets.   

To all, I hope that you each have a wonderful, joyous 2008.

It's that special time of year

It's my favorite time of year again! I love this time, especially when everyone that you are around is in a good mood and good cheer. I've only been met with a few grumpy ones this season and quickly passed them by or found something "important" that I NEEDED to do.

I'm only writing a quick blog to wish everyone out there in cyberspace a very happy and merry Christmas (or whatever holiday you wish to celebrate) and a safe and extremely fun welcoming of the New Year!

I'm BUSY!

I just finished stopped working on my TO DO list right now, at 10:20 p.m. at night. I'm happy right now. Really, really happy! But, with this new found happiness with work, family, friends, and home, I also find the stress of balancing and trying to get that TO DO list done. I usually give up before finishing it and just "park it" for another day. That works until you have 50 things "parked" on a Friday night and all you want to do is go out and be with friends and not do the items from your TO DO list.

I'm busy. Not a complaint, just some insight into my life.

For my blog TO DO list:

* I want to write about the song that talks about TO DO lists
* What does it mean to Vote RED and why it's the talk of town
* My holiday plans
* JUST ADDED: To change the banner to really match my personality...this hill thing really isn't working!