Open Emotion

my pretty girl

 

THROUGH the door. NOW!

I'm searching through my daily goods to see if I could possibly have a quote that would fit this post...haven't found it yet, but if the quote appears at the bottom, I've obviously found it. ...or I gave up and chose a random.

I can teach. I can.

I once taught little children their sounds to be able to read...and they read. They showed progress. They were at the beginning stages of reading.

I taught a child what the proper behavior was for a school desk. Although the student was in total brat mode, Ms. D. remained calm and collected. She TAUGHT the student how to properly sit without ever raising her voice.

Yes, Ms. D can remain calm...when at work. For knowledge way beyond me, I have the utmost patience for my students. I sometimes walk away from a situation and go, "wow, did I really just turn that into a learning experience...for both of us...and not raise my voice or even an eyebrow?!" Basically, I amaze myself that when at work or with children, I can be absolutely calm.

...BUT...

yes, of course there is a but. Without a "but" this post would not be.

...but, I cannot. CANNOT get my damn dog to go through the gosh darn DOGGY DOOR. I have tried. I have taught. I have bribed. I have begged. I have pulled. AND pushed.

Guess who is NOT absolutely calm in this situation after the first hour. After the first week. After many weeks.

ME!

I do not know how to get that darn dog (Yes, I still adore everything about her...) to go THROUGH the door. Does she not know the freedom that knowing how to open and go through the doggy door allows her. It allows her FREE ...WITHOUT ASKING...access to the backyard: to sniffing at one's own poop, tearing branches from the trees, digging holes (even though I have told her many times to stop), and even lounging in the sun. OHHHH, but no. Lilly will not have it.

Nope, she hates that door. Hate is a strong word, but I couldn't find anything stronger. Because she does not like it and it does not like her, and they will never touch. NEVER. Not even if the finest slab of fresh bacon is sitting on the other side. Or the largest, juiciest treat was propped on the other side. That girl is not budging in her resistence to the horrid doggy door.

Okay, so I can teach humans. I can teach the damn dog to sit, but I can't make it walk through a door. WHAT am I to do?! It's not like the extra steps are killing me...THAT is not the point. Point: FREEDOM for the dog!

...maybe this one works: enjoy!

Enjoy the journey, enjoy ever moment, and quit worrying about winning and losing. --Matt Biondi, e-mailed from www.charityfocus.org or www.dailygood.org.

both lucky and unusual

I have said this all year long since I've taken this middle school job, I'm extremely glad/thankful/happy that I got the offer to work at the school where I'm currently employed. Last night, as I was emailing a regular education teacher back, I realized (AGAIN) what a great staff I'm working with. This means, also, what a great staff the students get to have as teachers. This particular teacher was checking on accommodations for one of my students, to make sure that she was doing all that she could do for him. I was pumped! How wonderful is it that the teacher cares so much about how these students are doing. It's great to realize (not that I didn't already know...remember, I've been saying it since the beginning of the year) that you really, truly enjoy, and love your job. Who would have guessed that I would actually enjoy working with middle schoolers. Who would have guessed that I would enjoy the bad and good, the hormones raging and the smiles in the hallway. I would pass up working in a middle school for anything now!

On a different, more odd note, a piece of my car is missing. YES, missing. It's not a hub cap or something that someone would like to sell for money. Oh no, it's a random metal piece that would have been attached to the top of my roof. But it's gone. I have absolutely no memory of a long (probably the length from my head to my knees) metal piece flying off my car. Do not remember it. Unusual, huh?!

If you're looking at it from the front, it's on the top left side. Do you see the long indent...well, there is supposed to be a long metal piece there.

...Like this, taken from the back of the car on the OTHER side.

How did I not notice a long metal strip flying off my car?

No excuse!

I rarely forget a birthday...and especially a birthday that's written down on my calendar. I rarely forget much when it comes to things like that.

You know where this is going.

Today, as I write this, my roommate J is out to dinner with a friend. A friend who did NOT forget her birthday! I feel like such a moron. Her response when I finally realized...somewhere around 7 was, "you've got lots going on."

not an excuse (although, honestly, I knew it was coming up, but thought I still had a week-thought it was next Monday)! I informed C of our mistake, she had forgotten also, so C grabbed a card, and I hit up Kowalski's (by the way, do not buy cakes there...not because they're not good, oh no, but because they cost an arm and a leg! but oh well!) to buy the cake. It's a cute cake with dark brown frosting and three cute flowers.

Along with the birthday, I also forgot that this past weekend was the weekend I had planned to go home to a friend from college's wedding shower. COMPLETELY let it slip my mind and then I planned an IEP meeting on Friday after school ensuring that I would not make it home in time. Also, Trent, the brother, came up to watch the harness horse races at Running Aces. I spent the weekend with him, not realizing that the entire weekend I was being a jerk and forgetting something!!

Anyway, I'm sorry that I forgot your birthday, and believe me, I will not let a birthday go without a celebration!! Happy 28th, J!!  

At any age it would hurt, but at middle school age?!!

When I decided to become a teacher, I didn't know it came with so much emotion. I've laughed harder with my students than I've laughed with some of my friends. I've cried alone at my desk after school wondering how I can help them more than I am. I've been mad as hell but bit my tongue and explained why what just happened, should never have happened and how to do it better next time. I've had so much control over my emotions when I'm in the school, but then have lost it after my car left the parking lot.

All those emotions didn't prepare me for this newest one. Last week, I received an email telling me that one of the my student's mom passed away. Yesterday, driving to work, I cried...just like I am now...thinking about having to explain to the rest of the class why this particular student wasn't going to be back for a while and for the horrible-ness of the entire situation.

I brought them all over to the table and I told them what had happened and how we should react when he gets back. It took me back to when my student teaching mentor told me I was overly emotional, and I thought, how exactly would she do it in this situation. OBVIOUSLY, she wouldn't have done it my way, because half way through, my extremely practiced speech, I could barely breath and I started to tear up and thought, wow, you all are in middle school, 12 to 14 years old and it is WAY TOO early to lose a parent. My heart just hurt so badly for this student or any person that loses a parent.

It's also odd that I was telling them how we should react or act on the day when the student returns, but as I'm talking about it, I'm thinking, "and how in the hell I am supposed to act, Teach?!" How do you approach a student about what has happened? How do you let him know you're there for them, but not overly scare them away?

... I'll figure it out, but boy oh boy, I hope that he is going to be okay.

A bit of a random post...but mostly about Lilly

I spent a lot of money today. I'm trying to get Lilly to walk gently with me, so I bought the gentle leader after a suggestion from a friend. Lilly found it annoying, but it worked even though. I also bought her a back pack. Yep, a back pack. I saw on the dog whisperer that if your dog has lots of energy to put a pack on them during their walk, load it with bottled water or something a bit heavier and take them on their walk. I want to walk with her in the mornings, but I can't get myself to wake up any earlier than 5 a.m. so the walk is going to be a short one. With the back pack, she will feel as if it were longer because of the weight that she will carry. This will help throughout the day when I'm not here to let her out and spend some of her energy. So, yeah, pet supplies are crazy expensive.

While A. and I were in PetSmart, a dog the size of a pony came in. We knew it was there because it's giant bark could have been heard 6 miles away. When they brought him into the aisle we were in, I just had to pet him. His head pushed into my stomache and almost knocked me over! So, if he were to jump and stretch out, he would be taller than me. I would love to someday have a dog like that.   

Today, I noticed the buds are coming out on the trees. I cannot wait for spring, but just like MN, it's predicted that we're going to be under a winter snow storm watch for the next day or two. boo. I was just getting used to the beautiful ground that I can actually see now. At least if it snows, then I can put off picking up the winter's worth of dog crap for that much longer. THAT is definitely NOT a task I look forward to in any way, but it must happen so that I can mow the lawn and not get dog junk stuck to my shoes or wheels on the mower everytime I go out.

Yesterday, when it was sunny and a balmy 50 degrees, I took Lilly to the mud hole, a.k.a. the dog park. It was packed with people and dogs and apparently, I didn't get the memo that I had to wear tall boots to enjoy the nice weather. There was mud and puddles EVERYWHERE. At one point, when these two girls (about 3rd or 4th graders) were following me around everywhere asking about... what I do, do I have a boyfriend, what do I do with my dog, how old am I, do I like soccer...a million questions about everything they could think of (I don't think they had an adult there with them and the scary thing was that they gave me a lot of information about themselves, so much so I could probably find their house from the dog park...people, teach your kids about not talking...or rather not telling so much about themselves to strangers!! ...even those with cute looking dogs), I lost track of Lilly. When I turned around, there she was in the middle of one of the mud lakes, happy as a pig, DIGGING and THROWING mud water high in the air and on top of herself. She was just so happy. I hollered her name and she came running but turned around and went bouncing right back into the mud pit. My girl shadows thought it was most hilarious thing ever...I thought it was rather cute, but was extremely glad I grabbed a towel as I ran out of the house.

I love, love, love the dog park. Even with all the mud, it's so much fun to see Lilly exploring the trees and ground and meeting other dogs. She loves other dogs. She's awesome at tag. She pretty much rocks the swift turn to get away from her persuer. Plus, it's fenced in, so I don't have to worry that she's run away and would get hit by a car. She's getting better and better at listening. Each day, she gets a smarter head on her shoulders...always bull headed, but smart.

Lastly, it would be so unlike me to not post one of my favorite quotes from my dailygood.

To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves --there lies the great, singular power of self-respect. --Joan Didion   

Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday to the best Mom ever!

Love this one

My daily good came in my e-mail this morning and I couldn't resist putting it up here. Seriously, I love quotes:

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. --Erma Bombeck

I really think that it is hard to put that out there for all to judge and know about. I personally have a hard time saying I want a certain something out loud. For some reason, once I say I want to do something out loud, like I want to run a 5k, it doesn't motivate me as much and it doesn't happen. But, if I keep it inside and not mention that I want it to happen, and for those who know me, know that this is extremely hard for me, it seems to happen.

Plus, when you say your dreams out loud, those around you know if you fail to accomplish them. They know if you haven't made your dream reality.

springtime listing

What I love about springtime:

1. the noises and sounds
2. the new smells
3. the little blooms/buds that start to appear on the trees
4. long sleeve t-shirts-no bundles
5. walks outside
6. playing catch/or fetch with my Lilly poo
7. running around the lakes
8. not sweating
9. not freezing
10. love is in the air
11. almost summertime
12. picnics outside in the middle of the day
13. hooded sweatshirts and running pants at night
14. off leash dog parks

Some of my favorite things about the country

Since it's spring break at school, I've been doing a lot of driving. When I do a lot of driving, I make a lot of lists. Lists about songs that I want to download, lists about things that need to get done in my life, lists about things I need to get better at, and lists like the one below. Lists about what I love:

1. When I look around at night, I can see stars up above and lights from the towns and houses/farms miles away perfectly clear.
2. The smell of wood smoke
3. The sound of all the birds
4. The openness of it all.
5. You have to actually drive into town to find a sidewalk.
6. animals. This does include the scary coyotes that I hear at night.